That's when you crack a 10am beer
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
