I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize