its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize