its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
