I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
