I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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