i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
