Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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