I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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