i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize