You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
