Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
