Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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