Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize