Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
