Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Holy shit dude........stairs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
