He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
