i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
