Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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