you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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