We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
