Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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