As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
