That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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