she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
