OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize