Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
