I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He better not be in your backpack
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
