We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
