You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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