An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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