I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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