Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
