I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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