Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
