Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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