Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
