Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
