About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
