I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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