So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
