seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
