either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
