I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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