and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
