I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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