strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
