K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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