i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
