Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
