I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
