i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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