Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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