He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
