alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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