it glows. i had to have it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
