Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
