my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
