he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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