Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
