my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
