Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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