I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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