DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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