My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize