Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
