i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
