ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
