What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
